Am I discontented?

I find in life that I do become discontented quite frequently and this has been one of my greatest struggles lately. During these times I find it difficult to turn my mind to Christ. I often find myself in a "pity party" for one.

Oftentimes in reflection I find these are because of lies from the enemy who desires to dissolve our family structure as God intended. The world teaches so many of these lies as fact, and we buy into them. No we cannot be "super woman". No we cannot "do it all" or "have it all"... something or someone always suffers, for me..it is my time with God.

As of late God has been showing me that going to "stuff mart" to fill our houses with nothing of value, is a major cause of discontentment in our lives, for all this stuff creates more work to maintain etc. This was especially noticed this past Christmas. I got 4 gifts for each child...however, their mother came home on Christmas eve, she literally filled my living room with so many gifts it took the kids well over 2 hours to open them all. And the kids could not tell you what she bought for them.

Our family spent a weekend away from home. We drove 7 hours to Libby MT to a beautiful cabin by a gorgeous lake. The cabin had just the basics, a bathroom (YEAH) a SMALL kitchen (a two burner stove, with sink and small fridge built in) and beds. No TV, no Knick-knacks etc. As a family, we walked and talked and just enjoyed God's beautiful creation with eachother (my eldest...10 want to move there). None of the "luxeries" our world tells us we need.

We come home and I look at bookshelves filled with books, I have a collection of movies in the entertainment center where I need to either purge incredibly or find another storage area. I have a shed that has unfinished or to do projects I hope to get to someday, but at this point doubt that I will. How much of this do I really need. (I never had to do this before, as we moved a lot when I was a child, attrition happened naturally...I have been in this place for 15 years and don't think I have every really done a good purge, partial purges but not the whole thing). Add in 3 kids who weren't planned to live here and my big house now feels crowded and tiny and far to full! And it can feed into feeling overwhelmed and discontented.

IF I choose to listen to the voice of the enemy (which someday's I confess I have heard his voice and started to fall for his lies) I find it can lead to discontentment with my beloved, the children and my life. I cannot allow the evil one to get a foothold in my heart with this. IF I choose to listen to this voice, I can allow the evil one to stir at the fact that I should not have to raise my grandkids.

There there are those who feed those lies without even realizing what they are doing. I often hear comments like "you are wonderful for taking care of your grandkids" or "I could never do that" implying that I have some superhuman ability to care for these babies, or "there must be a special place in heaven for you". These comments are well intended, but they can feed into a sense of self worth and sacrifice that are not valid.

This is not the life I planned, this is not the life I wanted, this is not the life I expected, but this is the life I needed...when placed into that perspective, knowing that God has brought me to this place and time, knowing that this is HIS will in Christ Jesus, the discontentment, overwhelmed attitude, quickly can melt away...

Be not dismayed, For I AM thy God. Isa 41:30 My rest and my strength is in HIM and HIM alone!